Victoria, BC – Government documents leaked by Celine Dion prove that time travel Is possible. Unfortunately, if citizens purposefully or accidentally travel back in time, the government won’t do much to help them get back to the current year.
Local hip hop band, Illvis Freshly, were having a “boys’ night out” when their DJ, Mt. Doyle suggested that they walk through a strange looking gate, which turned out to be a time portal. The other unsuspecting band members followed Mt. Doyle and were immediately transported to the 1980’s.
Using special time travel communication devices, a reporter spoke to the band. One of the rappers, Danimal House, told us that that they “all have ratchet 80’s hair now.”
“It was bizarre” Danimal said, “we all had longer, greasier hair, tighter pants, and the sudden urge to stop playing hip hop and become a hair metal band”
When asked why he led the band through the time portal, Mt, Doyle told a story of revenge. “Jesus [the other rapper and the producer for the band] ate my last slice of pizza. I saw the time portal and decided to take a chance. I was going to leave him there and get myself and the others back, but that plan backfired. Turns out, it’s not so easy to travel forward to the time you came from”
The guitarist, Phil Lyons, has decided to make the best of the situation. “We’ve got the hair. We’ve got the pants. We might as well just become an 80’s hair metal band”
Attempts to reach government officials to find out what they were doing to get the band back to 2017 failed.
Meanwhile, here in 2017, people are getting excited for the reunion tour of the band, Illvis Freshly. Those who grew up in the 80s will remember their epic 80’s metal ballads.
Check out Illvis Freshly’s new video for the song, “Burn It.”